Dating the nice guy dating exgirlfriends friend

He’s probably happy to help his dad fix the broken garbage disposal or let the neighbor use his pickup truck for a run to the dump.He’s probably going to run out to help his brother carry a couch, and he may answer endless text messages from his best friend when he’s going through a messy divorce.

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If you’re like me, you may need to approach happiness almost as a meditation. You aren’t special in your ability to hurt others—we all have that.

Breathe into it, feel that it’s around you and also notice the discomfort you have with it. And we all need to make the choices, every day, that show love and not selfishness or harm.—These dynamics exist among a lot of couples, not just with men.

Find a therapist if you need one, reach out for help from people other than him sometimes.

What I learned over time with Ivan was that even though he was my favorite source of comfort and solace, he couldn’t be my only resource for support.

This seems like a weird thing to say, but one thing you may have learned in your life is that you are dangerous. Because you’re an adult now, and you have control over your choices.

Maybe you learned as a little kid that part of you was wrong—too spirited, too fiery, too emotional, too strident, too sexual, too loud, maybe too gay. You were shamed into believing that part of you was made wrong and because of that, you are just going to hurt people around you. Yeah, we’re all going to screw up sometimes and make mistakes.

Notice the anxiety that starts to come up when you feel peace, or when you feel vulnerable, and just recognize that it’s there. There are women who are genuinely nice, and sometimes their partners aren’t used to that and cause all sorts of problems, too.

Keep in mind that the goal is to appreciate the good stuff that’s right in front of you, instead of planning for the bad that might happen. You can either fix them so you don’t hurt him with careless words, or infidelity, or creating drama, or whatever you tend toward, or you can live in fear. This is about healthy relationships, regardless of gender or sexuality, and we can all work toward being the type of people who are happy when we’re healthy.

I constantly work with women who are tired of cycling through ‘bad boys’ or dysfunctional relationships.

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